


the gay in Inkigayo

by tullycat



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, all are minor but there is:, chan/hansol, inkigayo sandwiches and note writing, jeonghan/josh, jihoon/wonwoo/seungkwan, jungkook/mingyu, minghao/jun, side pairings: yes, soonyoung/wonho/shownu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-29 01:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18297938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tullycat/pseuds/tullycat
Summary: "Is this just what we're doing now?" Seungkwan asks. "Are we all sending notes?"And from there, the chaos starts.





	the gay in Inkigayo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merryofsoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryofsoul/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I took liberties with your original request so I hope it's somewhat close to what you wanted 💖either way, enjoy this 6k of scoops + justice for seokmin ships!! thanks for being a friend and writing partner and everything else!
> 
> thank you to karlarado and helicases for letting me send you word count updates for motivation and for the beta and general moral support...a true team effort
> 
> this fic is..canon-ish, with much hand waving of actual comeback schedules that i used for my own purposes

“All I wanted was to make sure Carats stay healthy in the cold,” Seungcheol complains. “You would really one up your leader like that?”

“But it has been getting warmer!” Mingyu protests, earning giggles mainly from Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Jeonghan, who know a good tease when they see one. “We don't want to lie to Carats, hyung.”

Seungcheol fixes him with a glare for as long as he can hold it, but Mingyu’s puppy eyes crack his resolve as usual and he smiles too. “Fine, fine. Just know that next time you lie, expect no mercy.”

Rather than respond, a hush falls over the table as they watch Jungkook approach. They're sitting at the edge of the Inkigayo cafeteria, multiple tables pushed together to fit them all, so there's no one else Jungkook could be heading towards.

Jungkook hides something in his hands behind his back and ducks his head, but he doesn't falter under their gazes and Seungcheol has to admire him for that. He knows how it feels to have twelve pairs of eyes cataloguing his every move.

Jungkook bows to the table among choruses of _sunbaenim_ and _hyung_ and turns immediately to Mingyu. Seungcheol glances at Jeonghan, who meets his eyes and smirks.

“Mingyu-yah, good luck on your comeback, I'm sure you've all been working hard for it.” Jungkook fidgets and brings his hands forward to deposit a sandwich on the table. “I hope you eat well to prepare.”

The standard Inkigayo sandwich waits patiently in front of Mingyu and the back of Seungcheol’s neck burns as he stares it down. Thankfully, everyone else is hyperfocused on the drama unfolding in front of them to notice Seungcheol.

Jungkook makes no effort to leave as Mingyu takes the sandwich. Seungcheol can tell Mingyu would rather be doing anything else than unwrapping the sandwich in front of his members, but Jungkook is watching him expectantly so there's nowhere to go but forge ahead.

Mingyu stares at the sandwich when it's fully unwrapped, ears tomato red. When he sneaks a peek up at Jungkook and nods, Jungkook barely has time to bow at the table again before he sprints off to the exit where his group is waiting.

Out of respect for Mingyu's dignity, they give him two seconds of silence to collect himself before the table bursts into buzzes.

 

—

 

It's Jeonghan who speaks first, because of course — Jeonghan, who has to check his members’ love and know all their business.

“Mingyu,” he says conversationally. “What was that?”

“Looked like a love note to me,” Seungkwan says in his best variety show voice, and when Mingyu only reddens, the _oohs_ grow louder.

“Shut up,” Mingyu complains. “Sometimes people leave notes in the sandwiches for other groups, it's not a big deal.”

Soonyoung leans in close, his eyes wide. “Wait, you can do that? Send notes to other idols?”

 _Or leave notes for members of your own group,_ Seungcheol thinks, failing to keep the bitterness out. _Not that that's worked out._

“Jungkook said his hyungs do it, and a lot of other idols,” Mingyu says.

“Haven't you two ever heard of texting?” Jihoon snorts. “You have an entire group chat together.”

“Oh no, don’t put that in the group chat,” Minghao says immediately.

Mingyu tucks the note away and mumbles, “It's different.”

Well, I think it's sweet.” Seokmin bumps Mingyu's shoulder with his own and sings, “ _Mingyu has a crush, Mingyu has a crush_.”

Disappointment ripples through him, a riptide of shame pulling at his ankles. _Right,_ thinks Seungcheol. _Notes are cute for other people maybe, but not —_

“Leave Mingyu be,” Seungcheol tells them and Jeonghan’s eyes snap to him. They're not being mean and the teasing could easily last another ten minutes, but Seungcheol just wants to talk about something else.

They listen to Seungcheol for a whole minute before Wonwoo says, “If you're not going to eat that, can I —”

Mingyu holds eye contact the entire time he eats the sandwich.

—

 

With comeback preparations and recordings and dance practice, it's easy to let the Inkigayo notes blow over. Mingyu goes on his semi-date without much fanfare, though Seungcheol catches him staring at his phone more than once during a recording session. Seungcheol gives him the obligatory talk about keeping it private from fans, but Mingyu and Jungkook are both too self aware to need it.

As for Seungcheol, he keeps up the group's spirits when they're all exhausted and want to quit idol life and move to a remote village on a mountain. And if he sometimes escapes to the recording room or gym till four or sometimes five in the morning instead of confronting certain people, well, everyone is too busy to notice.

 

—

 

They're at Inkigayo again, comeback in full swing, when the whispers reach Seungcheol.

“Is he gonna do it?”

“If he doesn't he's making me food for a week.”

“Jun, I dare you to —”

“What's going on?” Seungkwan demands, saving Seungcheol from asking.

“Soonyoung’s sending a note,” Junhui explains, looking very involved in the proceedings. “To the Monsta X hyungs.”

“Just one, not plural,” Soonyoung says, turning red as he writes.

“Oh? So you decided which one?” Minghao asks.

“...not yet.” Soonyoung flushes harder.

Jihoon peers over Soonyoung's shoulder and reports back, “It's Wonho.”

Cologne washes over Seungcheol and his heart rate ticks up as a tree trunk thigh plants itself against his. “What did I miss?” Seokmin asks, hands on Seungcheol's shoulders and manhandling him back and forth to see the rest of the table.

“Skinship and eating, how nice,” Seungcheol says, holding his food steady while he waits for Seokmin to stop moving him.

Seungcheol can't decide how to feel when Seokmin drops his hands and says, “Oh, sorry, hyung,” though he doesn’t move away. As the group catches him up to speed, Seokmin drifts closer to Seungcheol until his chin is resting on Seungcheol's shoulder as if on autopilot.

It's the closest they've been in weeks and Seungcheol decides to let himself enjoy the moment, however fleeting.

"Should we write notes for Soonyoung, too?" Seokmin's voice vibrates on Seungcheol's shoulder as he speaks. "' _Dear Hoshi-hyung, you are very cute. Love, DK_.'"

"Hyung, fighting!" Seungkwan yells in encouragement. Junhui and Jihoon throw back thumbs up while they track Soonyoung’s progress.

"I can help," Mingyu offers as Soonyoung stands, note in hand. "Hyung, do you need help?"

Soonyoung waves them all off and makes his way to the stack of sandwiches waiting for the Monsta X members, deft fingers unwrapping one and slipping the note inside.

His face is composed when he returns, even as the table erupts into _oohs_.

"Our Soonyoungie is so cool," Jeonghan says proudly, tilting his head onto Joshua's shoulder. It's a small movement, Jeonghan only resting there for a second, but it seems to remind Seokmin of his own head on Seungcheol. He moves to ask Hansol something and Seungcheol shoves half of his sandwich in his mouth at once so no one can see his disappointment.

They don't have to wait long for Monsta X to enter the cafeteria and descend on their share of sandwiches. Seungcheol loses the one with Soonyoung's note in the chaos, an unorganized but effective shell game of seven hungry men. Soonyoung has somehow kept track and watches Hoseok intently.

“Oh,” Joshua says in amazement. “He really is just...going for it.”

Everyone’s head whips around to watch Hoseok rip the wrapping off and fit almost the entire sandwich in his mouth at once.

Hoseok notices them all staring and waves, trying to grin around a mouthful of food. Seungcheol returns the wave so Soonyoung can save face.

“Great,” Soonyoung moans. “So he didn’t see the note but saw all of us watching him.”

“His mouth is really impressive,” Junhui comments, earning him more than a few snorts, but Seungcheol can admit watching Hoseok demolish five sandwiches is impressive.

“I know,” Soonyoung sighs. “He makes me want to eat again.”

“Me too. I want to bite you,” Seokmin says and fits his teeth onto the meat of Seungcheol’s shoulder.

“Oh, a leader sandwich,” Joshua says, turning to conspire with Jeonghan. “Does he taste old, Dokyeom-ah?”

“Old and tired, definitely,” Jeonghan says. “Old man leader sandwich.”

Seunghcheol glares at them. “We’re the same age, the disrespect. I taste good, right —” Seungcheol cuts himself off when he remembers who he’s asking.

“You taste good, hyung,” Seokmin says before the situation can get awkward. “Best leader sandwich.” He takes a few more bites of Seungcheol’s shoulder to prove his point.

Seungcheol grins and pokes Seokmin in the side to get him to calm down, not sure he can handle Seokmin's level of affection right now, even if he wants it. Seokmin giggles and rocks into him before settling back in his place, though his thigh has not moved from Seungcheol's the entire time. Jeonghan smirks at Seungcheol. He ignores it, thanks.

"So the note was a waste," Minghao observes dryly. "No offense, hyung."

"You should try again," Seokmin says, bright and energetic. "Anyone would be happy to get a note from you! I'd think it was cute if I got a note!"

Seungcheol stiffens. Soonyoung says something else, most likely sad and something Seungcheol should help fix, but he's stopped listening to their conversation. He's been trying to move past it, he really has, but if Seokmin thinks a note would be cute and _still_ didn’t —

"I'm going to get going," Seungcheol says, standing up abruptly. "I'll get my makeup and hair touched up first."

Seokmin pops up beside him. "Oh, I can come too! I'm done eating. I can carry you there?"

Seungcheol shakes his head. "It's fine. You all still have a few more minutes before they'll need you."

Seungcheol ignores Seokmin's disappointed look and definitely ignores Jeonghan's pointed stare as he walks out of the cafeteria.

 

—

 

Jeonghan corners Seungcheol as soon as they're back at the dorms and by themselves, which is a feat when eleven other men want their attention and Seungcheol wants to hide from Jeonghan. Unfortunately, Jeonghan is too smart for that.

"What was that?" he asks, folding his arms and staring Seungcheol down. "Why are you ignoring my Dokyeomie?"

Seungcheol doesn’t bother pretending he doesn't know. He prefers his arms unhit by Jeonghan.

"I gave him a note," Seungcheol says with a sigh.

"A note?"

"An Inkigayo note, like Mingyu's and Soonyoung's. A few weeks ago." Seungcheol has never explicitly told Jeonghan about his crush, but Jeonghan knows. Best friend privileges.

Jeonghan's eyes soften. "And he said no?"

"Worse." Seungcheol sucks his lip under his teeth and bites at it. "He didn't even acknowledge it."

Seungcheol couldn't pinpoint the moment it had started. He liked to think that he took care of all his members equally, even considering age and subunit differences, but somewhere along the way, he had started spending more time alone with Seokmin. Maybe it started because Seokmin had noticed how tired Seungcheol was and wanted to give energy to his leader, or Seungcheol had wanted to check on their main vocal and make sure he was doing well before the comeback. Either way, it stopped being for group related reasons and grew into hanging out with each other because...they liked it.

Seungcheol had a tendency to cuddle whoever was nearest when the mood struck, as within his rights as leader, but more and more often Seokmin was the one nearest. Or if Seokmin wasn't right next to him when he needed a cuddle, Seungcheol would pull Seokmin into his lap and hug him, no questions asked. Seokmin didn't tease him about being clingy, just played with his fingers or held his wrist until Seungcheol was done, no matter how long it took.

Sometimes Seungcheol cuddled too long and had to be carried on Seokmin's back to their next location, which then turned into Seokmin offering to carry him at random times. And of course Seungcheol accepted, because being carried was also within his rights as leader, but he couldn't say he minded clinging to Seokmin.

Their new closeness wasn't outwardly obvious — Seungcheol had checked to make sure. They weren't usually paired together for variety shows, and no incriminating fancams popped up. The change was in the way they ate more meals together, or stayed up late in one of their rooms, too tired to walk one room over to sleep in their own beds.

Seungcheol caught Seokmin looking at him sometimes. Seokmin would smile and laugh it off with whatever joke popped into his head first, but the intensity of Seokmin's gaze made Seungcheol's heart giddy. Sometimes Seungcheol got caught looking too.

With all the evidence before him, Seungcheol had balled up his courage and decided to make a move. He'd written Seokmin a note and put it in his Inkigayo sandwich (Jungkook and the BTS sunbaenims weren't the only ones who knew things, _Mingyu_ ), hoping that if he had read the signals completely wrong and Seokmin hated his guts, the food would at least make him happy.

Seungcheol had left the sandwich with him and hid, too nervous to watch Seokmin in person. He'd been hoping for a good news text within the hour, and when that didn't appear, had braced for a _"let's just be friends"_ text instead. Nothing. Radio silence. When Seokmin didn't bring it up the next time they were alone, or the time after that, Seungcheol understood his silence as a gentle rejection.

Jeonghan drops his arms and pulls Seungcheol in for a hug. "I knew it had to be bad if you turned down a ride on his back," Jeonghan says while he strokes Seungcheol's hair.

Seungcheol sighs and pulls out of Jeonghan's arms. "I just want to move past it, but I don't even know why he didn't say anything to me. Trying to save me the embarrassment, I guess."

"Maybe you should talk to him?"

"Maybe you should talk to Joshua," Seungcheol retorts, then immediately regrets it. Another unspoken truth between them. "Sorry, that was low. I shouldn't have said that."

Jeonghan's eyes flash, but he only clicks his tongue. "You're right. But we're discussing you right now, Cheolie."

"If he thinks we shouldn't talk about it, then I don't want to make things worse between us," Seungcheol says. The group dynamics come first for him, above his own personal feelings. It's the way it's always been, and the way it has to be. That's why he's the leader.

"And Seokmin will be in the musical," Seungcheol adds. "I can just wait it out until summer and then I'll be over it and everything will go back to normal." All he needs is a few weeks of space. He can do it.

Jeonghan looks at him with pity and snorts. "Sure, Cheolie. Whatever you say."

 

—

 

When Seokmin’s cast photos for King Arthur are released, Seungcheol puts his head down on a table for a full ten minutes.

Jeonghan laughs.

 

—

 

They’re not scheduled to be back at Inkigayo for a couple weeks, so even though seeing Seokmin is a reminder of his rejection, Seungcheol thinks he’s at least safe from more note passing.

Yet one morning, as Seungcheol wanders up to the second dorm to look for a sweatshirt he’s positive Jeonghan stole, he finds Junhui and Chan hunched over a table.

“What are you two up to?”

“Jun-hyung says he’s ‘ _teaching me_ ,’” Chan replies, heavy emphasis on the air quotes.

Seungcheol passes a hand over his eyes and tries not to sigh. It’s one of those moments where it’s best just to walk away and pretend he didn’t see anything.

“What exactly are you teaching him?” he asks, curiosity getting the best of him as he walks to the table to see what they’re doing.

Junhui scribbles out one of the words he’s written. “I’m giving this note to Minghao, Inkigayo style.”

“We’re not even at Inkigayo.”

“Minghao is cute everywhere and he needs to know,” Junhui says, very patiently. “Dino-yah, what’s a Korean word for…” He trails off, says something Seungcheol can’t understand, then tries to explain. “It’s like...when you think about someone all the time...and you have glowing love....even if the seas dry and the rocks crumble.” Junhui blushes at the last one.

“Umm...enamored?” Chan suggests.

“Ah, that sounds good,” Junhui says, writing it down. “The student becomes the teacher.”

“Why aren’t you writing it in Mandarin?” Seungcheol asks, because apparently he still hasn’t learned his lesson about not getting involved.

“Because the curiosity will kill him and then he’ll _have_ to read it before throwing it away,” Junhui says. He puts the pencil down and reads over his work. “And it gives me more time to hide if he hates it.”

Seungcheol leaves them to it, but he must have some bad karma to work off, because that’s not the end of it. He wanders to Seokmin’s room that night, weeks of spending time with him making some habits hard to break, and stumbles across Seokmin and Minghao. The scene gives him deja vu — they’re bent over a sheet of paper, mirroring Junhui and Chan’s pose from earlier.

“Oh! Hyung! Myungho and I were just, uh —”

“It’s okay, I was just leaving,” Minghao interrupts. “I think I can figure out the rest. Thank you, Dokyeom-ah.” He picks up the paper gingerly and holds it to his chest, careful not to crease it. Minghao waves goodbye to Seungcheol as he exits, and then it’s just Seokmin and him.

“Jun wrote Myungho a note and he asked if I would help him translate,” Seokmin says before the silence has a chance to stretch out. “It was — well, it seemed private, so I shouldn’t tell you what it said, but it was really touching.” Seokmin beams, the smile taking over his face.

“I can guess.” _Fuck_. Would Seokmin have liked the note if Seungcheol had gotten Junhui to help?

Seokmin stands and takes a step forward, hovering awkwardly in the middle of the room. “Do you want to watch a movie? Or play video games?”

Seungcheol’s feet had taken him to Seokmin’s room out of habit to do just that, but his chest brims with embarrassment and sadness. “Not tonight, I’m tired,” Seungcheol says, their well-worn excuse when they don’t want to do something.

“Of course hyung, you must be exhausted! I hope you have a restful sleep.”

It could be Seungcheol’s imagination getting the better of him, but Seokmin’s smile looks dimmer when Seungcheol leaves.

 

—

 

The note passing doesn't die down when they go back to Inkigayo. Soonyoung makes a second attempt and this time it ends up in Hyunwoo's sandwich, which only fazes him momentarily before he engulfs the sandwich. ("I wouldn't have minded Shownu-hyung either!" Soonyoung says in distress. "Why am I so bad at this?")

But Seungcheol discovers that the embarrassment he feels about the note fades in comparison to the ache when Seokmin isn't around. The preparation for his musical has picked up steam and Seokmin is busier than all of them.

Seokmin enters the dorm late one night, tired enough that his wide smile can't cover it. "Does anyone want to eat with me?" he asks, dropping a bag on the floor and waiting in the doorway. "Manager-hyung said he'd drive."

Jihoon pops up from where he'd been lying on the floor with Seungkwan. "What are we getting? Actually, I don't care. I'm coming anyway."

Not to be left behind, Seungkwan scrambles to grab Jihoon's shoulders and jump up and down. "Are you buying? Hyung, please? I'm coming." At the promise of Jihoon buying, Wonwoo drops the controller and silently drifts over to the group. Seungkwan turns to Seungcheol. "S.Coups-hyung you should come too, you promised we'd get meat together." Seungkwan shoots him a fake pout and bats his eyelashes.

It wouldn't take much for Seungcheol to cave, especially now that Wonwoo has quit their game, but then Seokmin joins in from over Jihoon’s shoulder. He's always been a sucker for Seokmin's cute face, so he grabs his coat.

"Bring me back something sweet," calls Joshua from down the hall.

Seokmin's latest news from rehearsal is enough to carry the conversation until the food comes, when they fall characteristically silent in favor of shoving food in their mouths. Seungcheol piles too much food onto Seokmin's plate, but he's been working hard and needs the energy. Seokmin thanks him with fleeting touches to the wrist, both confusing and gratifying for Seungcheol.

"We're all so quiet when we eat," Seungkwan observes. "What should we talk about?"

Wonwoo pushes his leftover rice onto Jihoon's plate and sets his chopsticks down. "Why don't you choose for us."

"Why me?"

"Because we'll end up talking about what you want anyway."

"That's fair," Seungkwan says, earning a snort from Seungcheol and Jihoon. "So. Why aren't Hoshi's notes working?"

Seungcheol slumps back in his chair, not making eye contact with anyone. He should've seen this coming. "Maybe writing a note is harder than you think."

Jihoon shakes his head. "It's not hard."

They all look at him. "For the songwriter, sure, maybe not," Seungcheol says.

Jihoon ducks his head. "I'll show you," he says, then grabs napkins and a pen from his pocket and starts writing. "You just have to...speak from the heart." Jihoon places one napkin in front of Seungkwan and one in front of Wonwoo.

Seungkwan stares at the note for hardly a second before he screams, "Is this for real?"

"Of course."

Seungkwan's mouth drops, speechless for once.

"Mine, too?" Wonwoo asks quietly, his eyes tracing and retracing the words.

Jihoon turns red but he nods. "If that's okay."

Wonwoo looks up and smiles. Seungkwan leans into his space and tries to read it, but Wonwoo gently pushes him back and tucks the note away.

Seokmin meets Seungcheol’s gaze and he's surprised to see Seokmin's smile slips off, sadness seeping through. It’s the first indication Seokmin has given him about the note, the first sign that not everything is business as usual between them.

The acknowledgement is tenuous, but Seungcheol can accept that Seokmin really was trying to save his feelings by not bringing it up, and at least feels bad about it. The first step in the healing process clicks into place and Seungcheol feels like he can maybe start to move on, finally.

 

—

 

The drive home is late enough that staying awake becomes a conscious decision, one that Seungcheol's brain doesn't want to make. He dozes, head lolling from shoulder to available shoulder, another leader’s benefit.

He's almost at his room when Seokmin stops him. “Hyung? Will you stay in my room and watch TV? Just until I'm almost asleep.” He twists the sleeve of his shirt between his fingers. “It's just... I've had long hours getting ready for the musical and I feel like I never see anyone now.”

Seungcheol's personal relationship with Seokmin is still on shaky ground, but his role as leader comes first, always. If Seokmin needs Seungcheol to stay with him for an hour or two until he's not lonely, Seungcheol will do it. Even if it still hurts.

Seungcheol intends to leave a friendly space between them on Seokmin’s bed, but his tired body is weak. He sinks further, further, further, until Seokmin's arm is around his waist and pulls him tight to his chest. An alarm goes off in Seungcheol's head, telling him he shouldn't do this, but his tired cuddle-brain only cares about how warm and soft Seokmin is and burrows closer.

At dawn, Seungcheol wakes with his head on Seokmin’s chest, who’s slumped half sitting up in an infinitely more uncomfortable position.

Seungcheol's plan of leaving without waking up Seokmin fails as soon as he lifts his head.

Seokmin stirs sleepily. “Hyung?”

“I'm going to go sleep in my room.”

Seokmin's face crinkles in confusion. “It's late. You can just stay here, I don't mind.”

His cuddle-brain is yelling to _stay, stay_. And before the whole note fiasco, he would've. But Seungcheol's rational brain has finally come online and he shakes his head. “I'll see you tomorrow, Seokmin-ah,” he says, crawling out of bed without any grace.

At the doorway, Seungcheol turns and in the last seconds before he flicks off the lights, sees Seokmin huddled in the middle of his bed, curled in on himself.

Seungcheol walks into his room, feeling off-balance, interrupting a hushed conversation between Wonwoo and Jihoon. Wonwoo takes one look at him and tugs Jihoon off the bed and into the makeshift bedroom in the living room.

Tired as he is, Seungcheol can't fall back asleep.

 

—

 

It take a whole six hours before the news of Jihoon's notes spreads throughout the dorm — frankly, a new secret-keeping record for them.

"Woozi-hyung?" Hansol asks when it's just the hip-hop team in the car. "I mean that makes sense, everyone loves Woozi. I just didn't know...y'know."

Wonwoo sighs dramatically and shakes his head. "Maybe you need to open your eyes."

Hansol nods thoughtfully and sits back in his seat. It's the end of the discussion for the moment, thankfully. Seungcheol can't get the image of Seokmin watching him leave out of his head.

The relief doesn't last long. When they're all together for lunch, Chan pulls a note from thin air and hands it to Hansol.

"Oh my god," Junhui whispers loudly. "He learned so well."

"Wait, but I have one," Hansol says, handing over his own note to Chan. They read the notes and grin at each other.

"Is this just what we're doing now?" Seungkwan asks. "Are we all sending notes? Vernon, let me see yours."

And from there, the chaos starts.

"If we all have time to send notes, then I'm texting Jungkook," Mingyu says, already on his phone and walking away.

"No," Seungcheol says weakly. "We don't all have to send notes."

"Mingyu, come back," Soonyoung yells. "I need you to help me. Jun, please, somebody."

Seungcheol sighs and rubs his eyes. 

At the dorms, Minghao storms into Junhui's room and shoves a piece of paper at him. Junhui is "all red and quiet and smiley," a very excited Seungkwan relays to the group. "He doesn't even care that we've been eating his snacks."

Seungcheol smiles and nods and tries his best to stay out of the middle unless someone needs a referee, but it doesn't escape his attention that Seokmin is removed from the fun, too. He only smiles when someone looks at him, but it slips off as soon as they look away, and Seokmin is slow to offer up jokes.

Soonyoung enlists Junhui to help write his next note, which leads to Junhui making more and more dramatic declarations of love, most of which are directed at a blushing Minghao as Soonyoung vetoes them.

Soonyoung even ropes Jihoon into helping him on a rare day when he's not in the studio, and Seungcheol discovers the limits of his patience.

He sinks onto a chair next to Joshua at the table. Joshua plucks a few strings on his guitar and scribbles something every few minutes. Nodding at his songwriting setup, Seungcheol says, "At least I can count on you to not write a note."

Joshua turns red. "Yep," he says, grabbing his notebook and hiding it from sight. "I'm definitely not doing that."

Seungcheol groans — internally, though, because he catches a glimpse of the name Joshua had written in the notebook and if he did anything to disrupt that, well. He'd be a dead man.

Joshua stops packing away his guitar and notebook to smile over Seungcheol's shoulder. "Seokmin-ah!"

Seungcheol twists to look back at Seokmin hovering behind him. Seokmin says, "S.Coups-hyung, I'm really sorry," and bows, and that's when Seungcheol knows he's fucked up.

"I know I can come on strong and I'm a lot to handle sometimes, so I'm sorry if I offended you," Seokmin says, still not looking at him. "Please let me fix it. If I crossed a line with you or made you uncomfortable —" 

"What's this?" Joshua asks, eyes pinballing between Seungcheol and Seokmin. "Do we need to address something as a group?"

"No." Shame clutches at Seungcheol's throat. "Seokmin, I'm not mad, but can we talk about this alone? It's not a group problem, it's a me problem," he tells Joshua, who accepts it reluctantly.

Seungcheol shuts the door to Seokmin's room, too many wide eyes already trying to figure out what's happening in the main room. Seokmin stares at the bed spread, still not making eye contact.

"I'm not mad," Seungcheol says again. "I've just been embarrassed." Seokmin takes a breath as if to speak and Seungcheol says, "Not about you. About the note."

"The note," Seokmin repeats.

"Yeah. It's on me for reading things wrong between us and giving it to you in the first place. I just got really embarrassed when you didn't say anything about it, so I guess I've been avoiding you for the past month."

"Because I didn't reply to the note...that you sent...a month ago," Seokmin says slowly, staring at Seungcheol, and when he says it like that it sounds silly.

Seungcheol rubs the back of his neck. "I should be apologizing to you. I'm sorry for letting this get between us, but I swear I’m getting over it. You know I wouldn't let anything affect the group." As he says it, he can feel its truth. He can be mature and move past his crush for a member.

"So, we're still okay?" Seungcheol asks. "Right?"

"Right," Seokmin echoes, still staring. He hasn't moved since they entered his room, but maybe talking about the One Thing They Aren't Talking About blindsided him and Seokmin needs a moment to collect himself.

"Okay." Seungcheol opens the door slowly, unnerved by the staring now. "We'll get wine together soon."

 

—

 

Seungcheol loves giving music to Carats and seeing them at fansigns and performances, but he almost misses the music producing cycle of the year, because they're back at Inkigayo for the millionth time this month. He could happily go another year without seeing those sandwiches again.

After help from both Junhui and Jihoon, Soonyoung is armed with a new note for the Monsta X hyungs (plural, because he's changed his mind between Hyunwoo or Hoseok and Seungcheol doesn't know who he landed on this time).

Chan is standing behind him, rubbing his shoulders to pump him up. "You can do it, Hoshi-hyung! You're the best hyung." His hands move to Soonyoung's neck and he makes chopping motions against it. "Neck chops for good luck."

Seokmin grabs Soonyoung's hands and joins in the massage. "I'm warming up your fingers so you can't mess up," Seokmin says seriously. Soonyoung nods and stands to plant the note in the sandwiches.

Seungcheol catches Seokmin's eye as Soonyoung leaves and they share a smile before Seungcheol looks away. In the time since they had their talk, Seokmin has been cautiously easing back into Seungcheol's life. They've had a few late night movie sessions, which usually turns into Seokmin falling asleep because he's exhausted from his double schedule. It's better, overall, because even if Seungcheol still isn't over his crush, he at least has his friend back and the team dynamics are normal. Sometimes though, Seungcheol catches Seokmin giving him _looks_ , like he did before, when he thinks Seungcheol isn't looking. Seungcheol doesn't know how to interpret those. So he doesn't.

"Ah, they grow up so fast," Joshua says, wiping away an invisible tear as they watch Soonyoung weave through the cafeteria. His hand is intertwined with Jeonghan's, since they've refused to stop holding hands since Joshua confessed.

"We raised him well," Jeonghan agrees, resting his head on Joshua's shoulder.

"Hey," Seungcheol complains. "I'm the oldest and the leader, what about me? I helped raise all of you. Give me some interest, please."

Joshua and Jeonghan cackle, but Seokmin takes it to heart and elbows his way into the seat across from Seungcheol.

"I could use your help," he says, and Seungcheol is struck with the full force of his smile. Seokmin pulls a pen and piece of paper from his pocket and says, "Will you help me write a note?"

Jeonghan's head jerks off Joshua's shoulder to stare at Seungcheol with wide eyes, mirroring the sudden stomach clenching Seungcheol feels, but he puts it aside. Being the leader and being a good friend means he can help Seokmin with his own crush, even if it still hurts.

"Well, who are they? Write something you like about them," Seungcheol suggests.

Seokmin's smile turns thoughtful. "It's for someone very hard-working," he says, writing it down.

"Ah, you know Woozi is taken, right?" Seungcheol says with much more levity than he feels. At a second table, Seungkwan is explaining something very loudly with sweeping hand gestures while Jihoon and Wonwoo watch with twin fond expressions.

"Nope. It's not for Woozi-hyung," Seokmin says. "It's also for someone very affectionate."

"I hope you didn't have your heart set on Jun," Seungcheol says, nodding at where Minghao is seconds away from giggling as Junhui pokes his cheeks.

"Not Junnie-hyung either," Seokmin says, still writing. His eyes turn mischievous. "They are also very good-looking."

"Well, Jeonghanie —"

Jeonghan holds up a hand, clearly still listening even as he pretends not to. "I'm flattered, but no. I have my Shua." Joshua turns red and buries his face in Jeonghan's shoulder.

"I love Jeonghan-hyung, but it's not for him." Seokmin ducks his head to write something else and quietly says, "They're good with words, too."

Seungcheol frowns. Hansol speaks English for them a lot, but he's with Chan now, so he doesn't think it could be for Hansol either. Maybe it's for someone in a different group.

"I think I've finished it," Seokmin says. He folds the paper and swaddles it in saran wrap. "Thanks for your help, Seungcheol-hyung," he says, and places the wrapped sandwich in front of Seungcheol.

Seungcheol stares at the sandwich. Stares at Seokmin. Stares at the sandwich.

Stares at Seokmin again.

"I don't understand," Seungcheol whispers.

"I didn't ignore your note." All trace of smile gone, Seokmin holds his gaze steadily. "I just maybe...ate it? I didn't fully unwrap it, so when I was eating I tasted something weird. I wasn't paying attention so I just thought it was part of the wrapper? So I threw it all away without looking. I didn't even remember until you said something." He grins shyly. "It's, uhh, in the note too."

Seungcheol coaxes the plastic open until the sandwich releases its pearl-white treasure. The note — well, it certainly does explain the note-eating, in almost the same words Seokmin just said. But the rest makes his chest burn.

"It's —" Seungcheol looks up. "You like me too?" They're in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by their friends — Mingyu leans into Seungcheol's side as he laughs at something and Jeonghan is still doing a bad job at pretending not to listen — but Seungcheol tunes it all out.

"I really really like you," Seokmin says. "I would never purposely ignore you, I swear. I missed you when you were trying to get over me." Seokmin's eyes widen. "Oh no. You — you still like me right? I'm not too late? I have no idea what's happening like sixty percent of the time, I did eat a note, so, um, sorry you can just ignore everything I said —"

The Inkigayo cafeteria affords him no privacy for anything more than normal skinship, so Seungcheol places his hand in the middle of the table, pinky extended. Seokmin mirrors his action. Seungcheol hooks their pinkies together, rings clinking against each other.

"Seokmin-ah. I really like you. This is real."

Their audience of one sags in relief against Joshua, but Seungcheol ignores him and threads his fingers between Seokmin's. There’s more to be said later, but this is enough for the moment.

Seungcheol doesn't let go when Hyunwoo and Hoseok come over to the table, stopping in front of a ready-to-bolt Soonyoung.

"We've had a lot of notes end up in our food," Hoseok says, waving the paper in his hand. "So we figured it was easier to exchange numbers."

"Wonho and I are having a dance practice soon," Hyunwoo says, throwing an arm over Hoseok's shoulders. "You should join and balance out our formation."

"He'll be there," shout twelve voices in unison.

Soonyoung shoots daggers at them, then turns back to Hyunwoo and Hoseok and shrugs. "What they said."

 

—

 

Seungcheol gets home from the studio late one night, late enough that it could be considered morning. They have a rare off day tomorrow, though for Seokmin it means a full day to spend at musical rehearsal. Seungcheol slips a note under his door wishing him strength and happiness for the day before heading to his own room.

Fighting off sleep for a few more minutes, Seungcheol opens Instagram to leave supportive comments on new posts from his members. Minghao has a new set of paintings that manage to look happier and more romantic than his usual works, posted without description of course. Seungcheol compliments one of Jihoon’s pictures, hoping this time it’ll be enough to earn him a follow.

His door clicks open and a figure shuffles across the room to jump on top of him. Seokmin burrows his face into the juncture between Seungcheol’s neck and shoulder.

Seungcheol smiles fondly and throws an arm over him. “Good morning, Seokmin-ah,” he says, rubbing a thumb at the top of Seokmin’s neck until he goes boneless and snuggles closer.

“It’s too early. Still night.”

They lie together a moment until Seokmin sighs and untangles himself into an upright position. “I got your note.” In the darkness, Seungcheol hears rather than sees Seokmin’s smile. “You should’ve given me a kiss instead,” Seokmin teases.

Seungcheol laughs. “You’re already running late, I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“What’s a few more minutes?” Seokmin says and leans down to kiss him.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/tullycat_)
> 
> thanks for reading!  
> —
> 
> I'm writing about a culture completely different than my own, so please feel free to drop a comment here or in my DMs about any mistakes I've made so I can learn!


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